Its a debate that is as old as debating itself...Right up there with which comes first-the chicken or the egg (and just about as difficult to pronounce a winner).
The question at hand is "are there circumstances that one person may go through where it is impossible for that person to be happy"? In other words, can optimism be impossible??
I posed this question to several friends, and I have to say, I'm not even the slightest bit convinced that EVERY person can/should be able to find happiness with their situation. The example that I proposed was that if a person was kidnapped and held prisoner in a cave where they were beaten everyday, are they wrong for not seeing the silver lining and being unhappy?
And the answer that I always get back is yes. They should be able to find happiness...whether it be in a butterfly flying in the cave...blah, blah, blah...
But my thing is sometimes, if someone goes through so many things and is constantly reminded of how bad the situations are, it is hard to even see the butterfly if you are so concentrated in your thoughts. Not only that..but how relevant is the butterfly to your life? Not at all. Yes, it is beautiful, but that isn't a strong enough reason to smile when everything else is in pieces...it doesn't provide freedom and piece of mind..
Perhaps I'm just a hopeless pessimist...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
very superstitious
Webster's defintition of superstitious: "someone swayed by a belief or practice resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, trust in magic or chance, or false conception of causation".
Stevie Wonder says "when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer"
Thousands of people take off work should Friday fall on the 13th of the month, thousands of buildings do not have a 13th floor, fourtune cookies make people's life decisions....the list goes on and on.
The reason that I bring all this up, is because I find that I have some superstitious tendencies of my own. In my car, I think 13 is the perfect volume...just enough for my bass to boom correctly, but not too loud at the same time...and yet it will always rest on either 12 or 14.
I tried repeatedly to stop reading my horoscope....but everytime I get bored, its habitual. Funny enough, my boss gets the paper and types and sends me my horoscope, so I couldn't avoid it if I wanted to.
I know a lot of people believe its the 'law of the averages'...basically just stating things that people on average go through...but I'll be darned if it doesn't say something immediately a big topic of that very day. Like this one day, I was with a co-worker preparing to go to the mall. We had gathered our stuff and everything, and decided to stop and get something to eat at Panda Express. My fortune cookie "you will be tempted to spend money today. Don't."...I mean...could the timing for that have been ANY more perfect??
I mean...I TRY not to believe in these things but who knows. I still refuse to set the dial on 13.
Stevie Wonder says "when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer"
Thousands of people take off work should Friday fall on the 13th of the month, thousands of buildings do not have a 13th floor, fourtune cookies make people's life decisions....the list goes on and on.
The reason that I bring all this up, is because I find that I have some superstitious tendencies of my own. In my car, I think 13 is the perfect volume...just enough for my bass to boom correctly, but not too loud at the same time...and yet it will always rest on either 12 or 14.
I tried repeatedly to stop reading my horoscope....but everytime I get bored, its habitual. Funny enough, my boss gets the paper and types and sends me my horoscope, so I couldn't avoid it if I wanted to.
I know a lot of people believe its the 'law of the averages'...basically just stating things that people on average go through...but I'll be darned if it doesn't say something immediately a big topic of that very day. Like this one day, I was with a co-worker preparing to go to the mall. We had gathered our stuff and everything, and decided to stop and get something to eat at Panda Express. My fortune cookie "you will be tempted to spend money today. Don't."...I mean...could the timing for that have been ANY more perfect??
I mean...I TRY not to believe in these things but who knows. I still refuse to set the dial on 13.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Crossroads
Enough with the relationship talk; the more I think about it, the more I feel I will be old and gray with a whole bunch of puppies to keep me company.
On to more tangible things....like my job. I can't help but think sometimes how easy life was before the 9 to 5 (8 to 4 in my case). No bills, no politicking, just homework and friends. Life was so much less stressfull then...but you never know what you got til' its gone....
Right now, I'm in somewhat of a tight spot. In my line of work, trust is a major factor. Everyone knows that I am cool with my boss, and my boss has held me down as far as getting some credentials under my name. The organization that I work for, however, is a burning building. I want to remain loyal to my boss, however, I'm not really up for slow dancing in a burning room.
I've made some valuable contacts in my year + here that used to work for the same organization, and two of them ALWAYS are calling me with job possibilities trying to look out for me to get me out of here before the smoke gets deadly (funny enough, they have my resume on file and submit my resume for stuff without even asking. I only know when I get the auto-response saying thank you for applying! lol). I haven't really been trying too hard before now to leave, because as with human nature, I have gotten comfortable. The office that I work in now, only 2 other people have 100% access to....which means no one holding me hostage with pictures of their dog, no uncalled for conversations about American Idol, no dumb questions. I love that, and know it won't be like that anywhere else.
The guys both know, and used to work for my boss as well, and are all still very cool with him...but they also know the dirt that goes on between these walls. They have told my boss they are trying to get me out of here and asked if it was cool...he hasn't responded, but you can tell he's not really trying to let me go. Its a tight call for him because he wants me to do well, but at the same time he knows I carry my weight and then some. Then, on top of that he believes that the current big wigs are on borrowed time and thinks the drama is coming to a close.
Recently, one of the guys has turned in my resume for a position with his company making about 40k more than what I'm making right now...doing the exact same thing. (did I just say 40k more??? why yes, I did. does this make it a moral obligation??? I'd say almost...) . And lets see, comfort vs 40k....I think if uncomfort had a cost, it would be around 40 k...SOLD.
I want to be loyal...but at the same time money talks. And, I'm not really trying to stick around till the fire department shows. What to do....
On to more tangible things....like my job. I can't help but think sometimes how easy life was before the 9 to 5 (8 to 4 in my case). No bills, no politicking, just homework and friends. Life was so much less stressfull then...but you never know what you got til' its gone....
Right now, I'm in somewhat of a tight spot. In my line of work, trust is a major factor. Everyone knows that I am cool with my boss, and my boss has held me down as far as getting some credentials under my name. The organization that I work for, however, is a burning building. I want to remain loyal to my boss, however, I'm not really up for slow dancing in a burning room.
I've made some valuable contacts in my year + here that used to work for the same organization, and two of them ALWAYS are calling me with job possibilities trying to look out for me to get me out of here before the smoke gets deadly (funny enough, they have my resume on file and submit my resume for stuff without even asking. I only know when I get the auto-response saying thank you for applying! lol). I haven't really been trying too hard before now to leave, because as with human nature, I have gotten comfortable. The office that I work in now, only 2 other people have 100% access to....which means no one holding me hostage with pictures of their dog, no uncalled for conversations about American Idol, no dumb questions. I love that, and know it won't be like that anywhere else.
The guys both know, and used to work for my boss as well, and are all still very cool with him...but they also know the dirt that goes on between these walls. They have told my boss they are trying to get me out of here and asked if it was cool...he hasn't responded, but you can tell he's not really trying to let me go. Its a tight call for him because he wants me to do well, but at the same time he knows I carry my weight and then some. Then, on top of that he believes that the current big wigs are on borrowed time and thinks the drama is coming to a close.
Recently, one of the guys has turned in my resume for a position with his company making about 40k more than what I'm making right now...doing the exact same thing. (did I just say 40k more??? why yes, I did. does this make it a moral obligation??? I'd say almost...) . And lets see, comfort vs 40k....I think if uncomfort had a cost, it would be around 40 k...SOLD.
I want to be loyal...but at the same time money talks. And, I'm not really trying to stick around till the fire department shows. What to do....
A shocking finding
Sadly enough, it seems like everyday that passes, I lose more and more faith in the male species. I will start by saying I've always had A LOT of male friends. I just find males easier to talk to, and much less drama comes with them so this is why it has always worked well for me.
Guys eventually see that I'm pretty drama free, and eventually end up considering me to be "one of the guys". Through high school, college, and even now at the job I've heard countless stories of the adventures that my male friends go through and how they view things. I think a little piece of my faith/hope in love dies with each story.
Don't get me wrong, I know about 1 or 2 exceptions. Guys that have found the right girl and are faithfull and happy with no intentions of cheating...but for the most part this is not the case. I've even had GROWN 40+ men tell me that the secret is to make a girl feel like the connection has relationship potential and he could get anything he wanted...this is not only disappointing, but a little disgusting. Dude, do you realize that you are 40+??? In a few years, you are going to wish you had someone taking care of you and it will be too late. Good luck.
The reason this post came about today was a guy that I thought was a good one had some very ignorant views. He and a good friend of mine had gotten into a conversation about one of his friends (I was not present for the convo, but as soon as she walked away from him she called me). He wanted my friend to hook up his friend with one of his boys...she states that all her home girls are good picks and good in relationships so this should not be a problem. His response: "He isn't looking for a relationship, he is just looking to knock it out the park really quick." She then procedes to tell him that none of her friends roll like that and his statement was "If an attraction is there, a guy can pull a girl EVERY time. All he has to do is make her feel comfortable...."
Wow...I'm still in disbelief, and I don't know which is more disappointing: the fact that I had initially pegged him for a good guy, or the fact that someone actually feels like this is a true statement. Are you really saying that EVERY girl that has an attraction for a guy will give it up to him and if he simply makes her feel comfortable?? This says a lot about how you view women in general... And what makes it so bad for me: I always put guys in categories: the good guy vs. the jerk. I'd say on the regular out of the guys I know its about an 80 to 20 jerk to good guy ratio respectively, which is pretty high for how many guys I view to be a jerk. Its completely devestating to have one of the guys in the good guy category prove me wrong.
Guys, your stock is DANGEROUSLY low right now...
Guys eventually see that I'm pretty drama free, and eventually end up considering me to be "one of the guys". Through high school, college, and even now at the job I've heard countless stories of the adventures that my male friends go through and how they view things. I think a little piece of my faith/hope in love dies with each story.
Don't get me wrong, I know about 1 or 2 exceptions. Guys that have found the right girl and are faithfull and happy with no intentions of cheating...but for the most part this is not the case. I've even had GROWN 40+ men tell me that the secret is to make a girl feel like the connection has relationship potential and he could get anything he wanted...this is not only disappointing, but a little disgusting. Dude, do you realize that you are 40+??? In a few years, you are going to wish you had someone taking care of you and it will be too late. Good luck.
The reason this post came about today was a guy that I thought was a good one had some very ignorant views. He and a good friend of mine had gotten into a conversation about one of his friends (I was not present for the convo, but as soon as she walked away from him she called me). He wanted my friend to hook up his friend with one of his boys...she states that all her home girls are good picks and good in relationships so this should not be a problem. His response: "He isn't looking for a relationship, he is just looking to knock it out the park really quick." She then procedes to tell him that none of her friends roll like that and his statement was "If an attraction is there, a guy can pull a girl EVERY time. All he has to do is make her feel comfortable...."
Wow...I'm still in disbelief, and I don't know which is more disappointing: the fact that I had initially pegged him for a good guy, or the fact that someone actually feels like this is a true statement. Are you really saying that EVERY girl that has an attraction for a guy will give it up to him and if he simply makes her feel comfortable?? This says a lot about how you view women in general... And what makes it so bad for me: I always put guys in categories: the good guy vs. the jerk. I'd say on the regular out of the guys I know its about an 80 to 20 jerk to good guy ratio respectively, which is pretty high for how many guys I view to be a jerk. Its completely devestating to have one of the guys in the good guy category prove me wrong.
Guys, your stock is DANGEROUSLY low right now...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The 90 day rule?
Ok, so I was talking to a friend of mine late last night, and we got on the subject of the 90 day rule. For all those of you who don't know what this is; the 90 day rule is a probationary period that a female is supposed to put males through when they first meet a guy before they give up the goods.
The theory of it is that if a girl gives it up too soon (before the 90 days are up), then a guy takes notice and is less likely to take her seriously.
It poses an interesting topic. I've talked to both males and females about this one, and I don't think any 2 friends had the exact same response to it:
Friend 1 (male): I think its ridiculous to put an exact time limit on sex. Just let the natural flow and progression of a relationship take its course.
Friend 2 (female): I completely agree with the the 90 day rule. Dudes won't respect you if you give up the goodies too early.
Friend 3 (male): I think you should definitely make a guy wait, but I don't know about 90 days.
Friend 4 (male): If she ain't giving it up in the two weeks, its a wrap (you know who you are) lol
**note, the only other non-virgin girl in the convo didn't chime in, but from history does not believe in the 90 day rule.
The rest of the girls in the convo were virgins so kinda couldn't give a good chime-in
I think its an interesting subject. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to make a guy wait. I think there's nothing worse than a girl looking for love that is defeated by her own indescretions. Rule #1 ladies: never mistake attention for affection. A guy can put on his "A" game for weeks, pretending to be everything that you've ever wanted in a man and more....but then once he reaches his goal, often times, his true colors start to show. Then on the flip side, a guy could really be serious about a girl and the time is not even a factor....then in the very next case a good would have been serious, but wrote the girl off because of questions of her probable past.
That's why I like to take my time feeling a guy out. I want to see if our personalities are condusive, or if its just a physical attraction. I look for the small things that he says and does to see where his head is. I want to know his reactions to certain things, and most importantly I want to see if I am growing on him (verses only a growing physical desire).
I don't know if I would put a 90 day stamp on it though....heck, it could be longer.
90 days though? I don't know.. What do you think?
The theory of it is that if a girl gives it up too soon (before the 90 days are up), then a guy takes notice and is less likely to take her seriously.
It poses an interesting topic. I've talked to both males and females about this one, and I don't think any 2 friends had the exact same response to it:
Friend 1 (male): I think its ridiculous to put an exact time limit on sex. Just let the natural flow and progression of a relationship take its course.
Friend 2 (female): I completely agree with the the 90 day rule. Dudes won't respect you if you give up the goodies too early.
Friend 3 (male): I think you should definitely make a guy wait, but I don't know about 90 days.
Friend 4 (male): If she ain't giving it up in the two weeks, its a wrap (you know who you are) lol
**note, the only other non-virgin girl in the convo didn't chime in, but from history does not believe in the 90 day rule.
The rest of the girls in the convo were virgins so kinda couldn't give a good chime-in
I think its an interesting subject. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to make a guy wait. I think there's nothing worse than a girl looking for love that is defeated by her own indescretions. Rule #1 ladies: never mistake attention for affection. A guy can put on his "A" game for weeks, pretending to be everything that you've ever wanted in a man and more....but then once he reaches his goal, often times, his true colors start to show. Then on the flip side, a guy could really be serious about a girl and the time is not even a factor....then in the very next case a good would have been serious, but wrote the girl off because of questions of her probable past.
That's why I like to take my time feeling a guy out. I want to see if our personalities are condusive, or if its just a physical attraction. I look for the small things that he says and does to see where his head is. I want to know his reactions to certain things, and most importantly I want to see if I am growing on him (verses only a growing physical desire).
I don't know if I would put a 90 day stamp on it though....heck, it could be longer.
90 days though? I don't know.. What do you think?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
A culture that is anti love?
So while I was in school in Tallahassee, I made good friends with a girl who has similar views on guys/problems with love. Although she is working on her master's at Florida State, we still keep in touch, and still air out our problems with all the guys that we meet. (she meets much more as she is in a better forum: see post below).
For the most part our complaints are all the same. The guys we meet for the most part are just not that committed to trying to make anything work. Either they are in it for the shallow male-based reasons, or they just don't put enough effort in it. I'd say 9 times out of 10, the guys that I meet simply are not consistent which is a huge problem for me. If we speak once a day or once a week, when that deviates girls notice. Most guys see no problem with this, and try to call whenever it becomes conveinant for them again...which is a problem. We need some type of consistency..yes, even if we are just talking. I digress... This is even if you can get it this far with a guy...
For the most part though, I think guys just play their cards to see what they can get. Back in the day, males were taught things....like how to treat people, how to respect people....they were taught that they should find a nice girl and settle down and make them their wife. These days, guys are only taught by television. They are raised watching videos and movies where they see a guy who appears to be cool, that has a whole bunch of girls around him. The only thing he has learned is that chasing skirts makes him more respected by his boys, and so this becomes his view of women and what she can mean to him. In this, they hold no value to love.
It creates (or has created rather) a society of many women willing to do anything to get a guys attention, and men who could care less about them. (don't get me wrong guys, the women aren't much better. The fact that they act so desperately is also not a good look....but they likewise were not raised to respect themselves and make a guy respect the chase). But, these men place more emphasis on their relationships with their boys, than a bond that they can form with a woman. So, in a society that is so progressive and forward thinking, do the parents leave to much of the life-teaching to outside factors? Have we become anti love?
For the most part our complaints are all the same. The guys we meet for the most part are just not that committed to trying to make anything work. Either they are in it for the shallow male-based reasons, or they just don't put enough effort in it. I'd say 9 times out of 10, the guys that I meet simply are not consistent which is a huge problem for me. If we speak once a day or once a week, when that deviates girls notice. Most guys see no problem with this, and try to call whenever it becomes conveinant for them again...which is a problem. We need some type of consistency..yes, even if we are just talking. I digress... This is even if you can get it this far with a guy...
For the most part though, I think guys just play their cards to see what they can get. Back in the day, males were taught things....like how to treat people, how to respect people....they were taught that they should find a nice girl and settle down and make them their wife. These days, guys are only taught by television. They are raised watching videos and movies where they see a guy who appears to be cool, that has a whole bunch of girls around him. The only thing he has learned is that chasing skirts makes him more respected by his boys, and so this becomes his view of women and what she can mean to him. In this, they hold no value to love.
It creates (or has created rather) a society of many women willing to do anything to get a guys attention, and men who could care less about them. (don't get me wrong guys, the women aren't much better. The fact that they act so desperately is also not a good look....but they likewise were not raised to respect themselves and make a guy respect the chase). But, these men place more emphasis on their relationships with their boys, than a bond that they can form with a woman. So, in a society that is so progressive and forward thinking, do the parents leave to much of the life-teaching to outside factors? Have we become anti love?
Where to find prince charming??
Ok, so like I've stated before, my age is a disadvantage for meeting mister right (under the slim margin that there is a such thing).
The problem is not in the fact that there are no guys (well, the lack of good guys may be somewhat of an issue...) but in the fact that the forum to find a good guy is gone by this age. By now, most people have settled into nice comfy relationships and are happy with the current status or have gotten married.
These people have find their mate in a slim window of time that is the ideally perfect forum for such a thing to blossom. Either they have met the person in high school (where they see the person everyday and were able to be forced to be around the person in a sense which allowed them to get to know them) or they have met the person in college (same forum style). These places are ideal for finding relationships. After this time in your life has expired, its pretty much all luck based if you can meet someone after this and here's why (at least for me):
I DO NOT want to meet a guy at a club or a lounge. I compare this to a guy meeting a girl and falling in love knowing she is a stripper. She was doing it when she met you, so what makes you think she will stop (same rules apply for the guy). There's nothing wrong with the occasional going out with the boys to have a good time...but for the most part, the club rat is scavaging for more than just a good time....and you can't be mad if you already knew this beforehand.
Then, there's random various places that you may run into someone. The bowling alley, the mall, the bookstore...problem is that this is a one time encounter. For me, this is a problem for several reasons. 1: I like to get to know a dude and feel him out before I give him my number...otherwise you put yourself in a situation where the dude can be a lame and blow your phone up....and you are to blame for giving him your number. 2. This guy only has one shot to make a killer impression. Meaning you can miss out on something good easily or accept someone bad easily. I'd rather cut out all the guess work and have a few encounters to know someone before it gets to this.
Then there's work. Don't get me wrong, this is possible, but a lot of problems arise from this as well. If the two of you work immediately around eachother there's that too-much-of-a-good-thing issue. I love my space, and if you are constantly in my face this may be a problem (clause: for where I work now this is not so much of an issue as only 2 other people have 100% access to the office that I work in). Then there's the possibility that the two of you get in a fight...in which case its bad to have to work around this person and harbor ill feelings, bringing it into the place where you bake your bread....It could work...but its definitely dependant on the situation.
The only 2 places that could be ok to meet someone after school are still somewhat flawed...
1. church...but here's my problem with that: there's something that makes me uneasy by hooking up with someone in the Lord's house....call me crazy....I'm just not comfortable with that one.
2. the gym...perhaps the best option....which possesses a lot of flaws as well. For the pros: if you go during the same time every week, you may start to see the same faces, and start meeting prospects. Its also a friendly forum...people are relieving stress so everyone's happy. Then, you know the guy cares about his well being...win, win, win!...but on the flip side, you are all hot and sweaty and nasty...pretty much at your worst. On top of that, I can't find it in my heart to fully commit to the gym. Don't get me wrong, I respect the gym and what it means to a lot of people...it just doesn't have the possibility to be that big for me...at least right now. This is not only because I couldn't hold weight with two hands and a bar..but also because I don't have one of those addictive personalities. I easily lose interest in stuff... It appears its all lose, lose...especially when I'm paying by the month.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying finding a relationship after school is not possible... but, lets just say your chances are cut drastically. And this is where I am...
Here's hoping...
The problem is not in the fact that there are no guys (well, the lack of good guys may be somewhat of an issue...) but in the fact that the forum to find a good guy is gone by this age. By now, most people have settled into nice comfy relationships and are happy with the current status or have gotten married.
These people have find their mate in a slim window of time that is the ideally perfect forum for such a thing to blossom. Either they have met the person in high school (where they see the person everyday and were able to be forced to be around the person in a sense which allowed them to get to know them) or they have met the person in college (same forum style). These places are ideal for finding relationships. After this time in your life has expired, its pretty much all luck based if you can meet someone after this and here's why (at least for me):
I DO NOT want to meet a guy at a club or a lounge. I compare this to a guy meeting a girl and falling in love knowing she is a stripper. She was doing it when she met you, so what makes you think she will stop (same rules apply for the guy). There's nothing wrong with the occasional going out with the boys to have a good time...but for the most part, the club rat is scavaging for more than just a good time....and you can't be mad if you already knew this beforehand.
Then, there's random various places that you may run into someone. The bowling alley, the mall, the bookstore...problem is that this is a one time encounter. For me, this is a problem for several reasons. 1: I like to get to know a dude and feel him out before I give him my number...otherwise you put yourself in a situation where the dude can be a lame and blow your phone up....and you are to blame for giving him your number. 2. This guy only has one shot to make a killer impression. Meaning you can miss out on something good easily or accept someone bad easily. I'd rather cut out all the guess work and have a few encounters to know someone before it gets to this.
Then there's work. Don't get me wrong, this is possible, but a lot of problems arise from this as well. If the two of you work immediately around eachother there's that too-much-of-a-good-thing issue. I love my space, and if you are constantly in my face this may be a problem (clause: for where I work now this is not so much of an issue as only 2 other people have 100% access to the office that I work in). Then there's the possibility that the two of you get in a fight...in which case its bad to have to work around this person and harbor ill feelings, bringing it into the place where you bake your bread....It could work...but its definitely dependant on the situation.
The only 2 places that could be ok to meet someone after school are still somewhat flawed...
1. church...but here's my problem with that: there's something that makes me uneasy by hooking up with someone in the Lord's house....call me crazy....I'm just not comfortable with that one.
2. the gym...perhaps the best option....which possesses a lot of flaws as well. For the pros: if you go during the same time every week, you may start to see the same faces, and start meeting prospects. Its also a friendly forum...people are relieving stress so everyone's happy. Then, you know the guy cares about his well being...win, win, win!...but on the flip side, you are all hot and sweaty and nasty...pretty much at your worst. On top of that, I can't find it in my heart to fully commit to the gym. Don't get me wrong, I respect the gym and what it means to a lot of people...it just doesn't have the possibility to be that big for me...at least right now. This is not only because I couldn't hold weight with two hands and a bar..but also because I don't have one of those addictive personalities. I easily lose interest in stuff... It appears its all lose, lose...especially when I'm paying by the month.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying finding a relationship after school is not possible... but, lets just say your chances are cut drastically. And this is where I am...
Here's hoping...
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