I had some extra time to think today, and I realized that I have a serious problem with relationships in general. Something that runs deep that I hope that will be able to be fixed one day. I don't know how or when though.
Lets back it up to my childhood. My parents never established a "friendship" type relationship with me. I look at my friends and their parents sometimes and I can't help but wish my interaction with my parents would have been the same. My dad has always lived in the same house growing up with me, and he is mybiological father; but I think I've avoided talking to him at all costs up until these past few years...and I still don't seek conversation. Growing up, the only time he spoke to me was when he was yelling at me. I honestly can't remember before my junior year in high school a regular conversation. And the only advice I've ever gotten from him was that if I start college, I had better see it through to the end. If not I will have wasted my money....
My mom on the other hand was the opposite. She was nice and sweet and probably the most thoughtful person I've ever met- but I honestly can't think of the first thing she has taught me. I've learned absoultely nothing from her...and some subjects she tried to completely avoid in hopes that they go away. Like sex and relationships...she never said anything to me about either subject..except that she hopes that I don't have sex until I'm married, and she hopes that I don't get until a relationship until I'm done with college and working; living on my own (yeah right). I guess my parents have shown me what not to do should I ever have kids. I'm going to talk to them and teach them all that I've learned and more....and I will NEVER avoid subjects that are going to pop up as a part of life anyway...
Then there are my sisters. My eldest sister, the one that I had the possibility to have a friendship with, was some what of a wild seed. She was about 7 years older than me for starters, so the age difference was vast enough to be an issue in itself. She was in high school; I was only in elementary. She was the poster child for the rebellious teen...did everything in the book including getting pregnant at the young age of 15 with my nephew David (who is like my little brother because he was raised by my parents). She also ran away frequently, and around 17 she joined job corp in West Virginia and then moved to Florida. No relationship there. Then, there's my middle sister. What can I say about her... As far back as I can remember, she has stopped speaking to me for months at a time. Like...I'm five, and she would stop talking to me for six months because I accidently ate her slice of pizza or something as small and stupid. Right now she's at about the 4 month mark of not speaking to me...who knows what I did this time- but I'm to the point now where that relationship means nothing to me anymore. Who has time to skate around someone so fickle and childish??
Then, there's my dating relationships. For some reason I find it hard to connect with people... be it that they are too goofy, too serious, too quiet, too loud, too annoying, too clingy, too detached or just too boring..I can never find someone that meets all the qualities that I want in a guy. Honestly, I only felt like I found this once...and it was a serious crash and burn. The only guy I've ever loved and I was dealing with for about 6 years off and on just so happened to be lying to me the entire time. So in retrospect, this is one of the people that I've felt closest to in my life...only to be betrayed in the worst way...and now I'm left with nothing.
Really, my friends are the only real relationships that I've ever had...and for one reason or another at times I even question majority of those. I guess everyone isn't meant to live the life of companionship and close bonds..
Sometimes I hope for different, but lonliness is a slippery slope. Sometimes you just get used to it and start pushing people away. Here's hoping for the future...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
is there a such thing as too nice??
ok, so I've had this convo with a few people before, but the question still remains to me: is there a such thing as being too nice. I guess the reason why it is such an issue for me is because I have always been a friendly person. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt until the point that the person is proven to not be a good individual. What have I found? People, for the most part, only act within their best interest. Some of the things that they do to be nice isn't as nice as it initally seems after you take a step back and look at it....their underlying motives actually benefit from the so-called nice deed: whether it be just the glory that they receive (which I find some people feed off of), a favor in the pocket from the person who they helped, or just plain trying to impress someone for one reason or another.
With all that being said, there are a few exceptions of people that I've met in life...People that are just nice for no reason....people that put themselves at a constant disadvantage in order to help others. Its beautiful in a way. They are the exception to my bad perception of the average person. With this being said, is it a good thing that they go far out of their way for an averagely selfish population? Are people like this prone to get walked all over? I will give you two examples of situations that made me question if there is a such thing as too nice or not:
The situation that immediately brought this to mind is with two of my close friends. Friend A is going through some tough times. She is moving down to NC and already had a roommate and apartment lined up...but for whatever reason they couldn't move in immediately as planned so she was out of a place to live for 3 weeks. Friend B was asked for advice, and told friend A that she shouldn't be bothered by having to ask someone if she could stay with them for 3 weeks. Friend A said she did have a problem asking for such a large favor. I am one of those people that tends to agree with friend A. I cannot see asking anyone outside of family if I could stay with them for over a week. I feel like I am imposing on your life after that point. Friend B got mad at both of us for thinking this way. She says regardless of the timeframe, you should be willing to help out a friend. I put out a hypothetical to her asking of it was a year, would that be too long to ask for to crash she said no....
Her argument may have had some validity before this. I'm sorry, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. But, I do NOT believe that after a year ANY healthy bodied adult should be living with a friend without some type of contribution. Also, I like living by myself...so with that in mind, should I give up my freedom for a whole YEAR just to be of help? There is a difference between getting on your feet and taking advantage of someone's niceness.
Situation #2: A friend of mine (male) had a female friend that was at her apartment drinking with some friends. She called my male friend and told him that she had been drinking and she wanted to go to the club, but didn't want to drive, so asked if he could come pick her up...now, if it was me being asked for something like this I would have been like "clearly the alcohol has made you delusional..call me when you can make sense" and she would have gotten hung up on. Why would *I* leave the comfort of my own home to drop you off at the club. His back story makes it even worse: he worked two jobs at the time. A regular 8-4 shift, and a night 12-7 shift! Meaning she was cutting into the little break time that he had to ask for a huge ridiculous favor. And whats even worse? He DID it....and she tracked muddy shoes all over the floor in the back of his brand new cadillac CTS....
and whats the moral of the stories?? When you are too nice, people take notice and start trying you just to see how much they could get from you. Some people don't mind b/c it makes them feel needed. Others, like myself, think its a shame. What do you think?
With all that being said, there are a few exceptions of people that I've met in life...People that are just nice for no reason....people that put themselves at a constant disadvantage in order to help others. Its beautiful in a way. They are the exception to my bad perception of the average person. With this being said, is it a good thing that they go far out of their way for an averagely selfish population? Are people like this prone to get walked all over? I will give you two examples of situations that made me question if there is a such thing as too nice or not:
The situation that immediately brought this to mind is with two of my close friends. Friend A is going through some tough times. She is moving down to NC and already had a roommate and apartment lined up...but for whatever reason they couldn't move in immediately as planned so she was out of a place to live for 3 weeks. Friend B was asked for advice, and told friend A that she shouldn't be bothered by having to ask someone if she could stay with them for 3 weeks. Friend A said she did have a problem asking for such a large favor. I am one of those people that tends to agree with friend A. I cannot see asking anyone outside of family if I could stay with them for over a week. I feel like I am imposing on your life after that point. Friend B got mad at both of us for thinking this way. She says regardless of the timeframe, you should be willing to help out a friend. I put out a hypothetical to her asking of it was a year, would that be too long to ask for to crash she said no....
Her argument may have had some validity before this. I'm sorry, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. But, I do NOT believe that after a year ANY healthy bodied adult should be living with a friend without some type of contribution. Also, I like living by myself...so with that in mind, should I give up my freedom for a whole YEAR just to be of help? There is a difference between getting on your feet and taking advantage of someone's niceness.
Situation #2: A friend of mine (male) had a female friend that was at her apartment drinking with some friends. She called my male friend and told him that she had been drinking and she wanted to go to the club, but didn't want to drive, so asked if he could come pick her up...now, if it was me being asked for something like this I would have been like "clearly the alcohol has made you delusional..call me when you can make sense" and she would have gotten hung up on. Why would *I* leave the comfort of my own home to drop you off at the club. His back story makes it even worse: he worked two jobs at the time. A regular 8-4 shift, and a night 12-7 shift! Meaning she was cutting into the little break time that he had to ask for a huge ridiculous favor. And whats even worse? He DID it....and she tracked muddy shoes all over the floor in the back of his brand new cadillac CTS....
and whats the moral of the stories?? When you are too nice, people take notice and start trying you just to see how much they could get from you. Some people don't mind b/c it makes them feel needed. Others, like myself, think its a shame. What do you think?
fear of the "in between"
I was talking to one of my friends, and came to the realization that being "in between" anything sucks (jobs, relationships, meals...ok, maybe thats taking it far) lol.
I feel like right now, as a 24 year old female, I am deeply at the in between portion of my life. Everything is stuck at the in between, and I am itching to switch gears.
I am currently working to be at the optimal living situation. I just moved out from having a roommate...which for the record definitely is NOT the optimal living situation; especially as I get older. I want to be able to come home and just chill from time to time without having to think about "ok, is my roommate having company (which the answer was always yes to)....can I walk around in this beater or not...why the heck does their company have company?!"... I'm at a time in my life where I just want to be able to not worry about such things. Can't wait till I'm completely moved into my own spot..but for right now I have to endure the in between.
In additon to that my job is in the "in between". Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job. I look around my office everyday and think how and the world did I get so lucky to land a gig like this.. I have the coolest, most laid back boss ever, I have a 40" flat screen facing my desk, and best of all I work in an area where only 2 other people have access to so nobody can pop up and talk my head off...but this job is just that: a foundation. Yes, I'm getting crazy experience. Yes, I have things in the pocket that I can leave this job and make crazy money easily....but it doesn't have the potential to be my final stop. So, for now, I am unsettled in the fact that I can't get too comfortable. I'm not the college girl anymore, but I'm also not at the place that I will retire at... somewhere in between.
And last, but certainly not least, relationships. This may sound bad due to the fact that a lot of people love getting to know someone new....I hate it. I hate the fact that I don't know enough about you yet to know whether you are wasting my time or not yet. Getting to know someone is like going to a new resturant and trying a new dish. Its got an exciting factor because its new... uncharted territory- could be great. However, if you don't like the resturant and hate the dish you order how can you not feel disappointed. How do you not feel like you just wasted your time and money. You could have been at a resturant you know, enjoying something you know you like instead (being by yourself in this example). As a female, I have to first get a feel for what you are in it for, check to see if you at least meet my core requirements (job (you can be manager at McDonalds long as you are bringing in some income), car (I refuse to pick up and drop off a dude- especially one I am just getting to know), then I have to feel out your sense of humor, then I have to get a grasp on your personality; I have to get used to the unique way you do things...all the while trying to look at the whole package deal. Its exhuasting! And this is where I am now....the in between.
I feel like right now, as a 24 year old female, I am deeply at the in between portion of my life. Everything is stuck at the in between, and I am itching to switch gears.
I am currently working to be at the optimal living situation. I just moved out from having a roommate...which for the record definitely is NOT the optimal living situation; especially as I get older. I want to be able to come home and just chill from time to time without having to think about "ok, is my roommate having company (which the answer was always yes to)....can I walk around in this beater or not...why the heck does their company have company?!"... I'm at a time in my life where I just want to be able to not worry about such things. Can't wait till I'm completely moved into my own spot..but for right now I have to endure the in between.
In additon to that my job is in the "in between". Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job. I look around my office everyday and think how and the world did I get so lucky to land a gig like this.. I have the coolest, most laid back boss ever, I have a 40" flat screen facing my desk, and best of all I work in an area where only 2 other people have access to so nobody can pop up and talk my head off...but this job is just that: a foundation. Yes, I'm getting crazy experience. Yes, I have things in the pocket that I can leave this job and make crazy money easily....but it doesn't have the potential to be my final stop. So, for now, I am unsettled in the fact that I can't get too comfortable. I'm not the college girl anymore, but I'm also not at the place that I will retire at... somewhere in between.
And last, but certainly not least, relationships. This may sound bad due to the fact that a lot of people love getting to know someone new....I hate it. I hate the fact that I don't know enough about you yet to know whether you are wasting my time or not yet. Getting to know someone is like going to a new resturant and trying a new dish. Its got an exciting factor because its new... uncharted territory- could be great. However, if you don't like the resturant and hate the dish you order how can you not feel disappointed. How do you not feel like you just wasted your time and money. You could have been at a resturant you know, enjoying something you know you like instead (being by yourself in this example). As a female, I have to first get a feel for what you are in it for, check to see if you at least meet my core requirements (job (you can be manager at McDonalds long as you are bringing in some income), car (I refuse to pick up and drop off a dude- especially one I am just getting to know), then I have to feel out your sense of humor, then I have to get a grasp on your personality; I have to get used to the unique way you do things...all the while trying to look at the whole package deal. Its exhuasting! And this is where I am now....the in between.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
9 simple things..
so I was reading this article on Yahoo this morning that couldn't be more true...
It states that women only want 9 simple things. The order may not be correct, but the 9 are perfect! Heres a look:
-respect
-romance
-time
-dinner
-communication
-consistency!!! (perhaps #1 on my list)
-humor and humility
-challenge
-mental engagement
great list!
It states that women only want 9 simple things. The order may not be correct, but the 9 are perfect! Heres a look:
-respect
-romance
-time
-dinner
-communication
-consistency!!! (perhaps #1 on my list)
-humor and humility
-challenge
-mental engagement
great list!
Better Prepared..
Ok, so this is a convo that I've already had with several people, but I really think the country and economy would do SO much better if this were into play.
I think in either 11th or 12th grade in high school, there should be a mandatory Life Prep class to prepare teenagers for the responsibilities of adulthood that they are about to face. This course should be split into two semesters.
In the first semester, it should be something like shop class but instead of having different stations of things you can build, there should be different stations with a taste of different professions. This will give the students a better chance to prepare because lets face it.... Unless you are extremely talented in the arts or sports or have a family history in one profession, chances are most kids have no idea what they want to do to put bread on the table. This will give them at least an idea and a variety of things to chose from.
The second semester should be just basic knowledge that the young adult may need. How to balance a checkbook, different savings plans, preperation for retirement, the dangers of credit cards, how to keep track of their credit, and other very important things they may need to know would be the foundation of this part.
And if this were the case, I'm almost certain that the overall economy would be much better.
I think in either 11th or 12th grade in high school, there should be a mandatory Life Prep class to prepare teenagers for the responsibilities of adulthood that they are about to face. This course should be split into two semesters.
In the first semester, it should be something like shop class but instead of having different stations of things you can build, there should be different stations with a taste of different professions. This will give the students a better chance to prepare because lets face it.... Unless you are extremely talented in the arts or sports or have a family history in one profession, chances are most kids have no idea what they want to do to put bread on the table. This will give them at least an idea and a variety of things to chose from.
The second semester should be just basic knowledge that the young adult may need. How to balance a checkbook, different savings plans, preperation for retirement, the dangers of credit cards, how to keep track of their credit, and other very important things they may need to know would be the foundation of this part.
And if this were the case, I'm almost certain that the overall economy would be much better.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Pet Peeves list (inspired by Tony)
Ok, so my good friend Tony gave me the inspiration in his blog to say the things that get under his skin, so I decided to make a list of my own....I'm sure I will constantly be updating this list as folks have a tendency to get on my nerves.... So heres the list in no order:
-when your in the right hand lane pulling up to a red light, and a huge truck or van pulls up on your left far beyond the line so you can't see around them to know if you can pull off
-people that INSIST on telling you the same story over and over again, even after you remind them that they've already told you
-the question "what are you thinking"....well, now I'm thinking 'I wish you would stop asking dumb questions' (ok, maybe thats mean...)
-when someone introduces you to something and expects you to be an expert...like here is an engine...this is how it works...NOW BUILD ONE ON YOUR OWN AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS!!! lol
-the news...ok, let me explain this one. I sit in front of a tv that plays news all day at work, and it gets under my skin how they try to brainwash you into feeling something is good or bad or they are constantly trying to scare you..
-when you call someone and they don't answer, then they send you a text asking whats up.... I called you for a reason..IF I WANTED TO CARRY A CONVO VIA TEXT I WOULD HAVE TEXTED YOU (Tony) lol
-when people call you and don't really have anything to say...let me be clear. I don't mind talking on the phone; in fact sometimes I enjoy it if I'm bored...but for goodness sake TALK...talk about sports, talk about the weather, make something up!! DON'T call me so I can listen to you breathe and PLEASE don't call me and carry on a convo with someone in the background! thanks....
-People that believe that THEIR opinion is the only one that counts. I wish everyone would just look up the dictionary definition of opinion, and then look up the definition of fact, because I think many people have the two confused.
-People that see you doing something (like reading a book or writing in a journal) and they KEEP talking to you....I'm sorry I left my stfu sign by my bed..
-People that can't enjoy a moment of silence....I mean....can you PLEASE let 2 seconds pass without exercising your vocal chords....please...
More to come!!
-when your in the right hand lane pulling up to a red light, and a huge truck or van pulls up on your left far beyond the line so you can't see around them to know if you can pull off
-people that INSIST on telling you the same story over and over again, even after you remind them that they've already told you
-the question "what are you thinking"....well, now I'm thinking 'I wish you would stop asking dumb questions' (ok, maybe thats mean...)
-when someone introduces you to something and expects you to be an expert...like here is an engine...this is how it works...NOW BUILD ONE ON YOUR OWN AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS!!! lol
-the news...ok, let me explain this one. I sit in front of a tv that plays news all day at work, and it gets under my skin how they try to brainwash you into feeling something is good or bad or they are constantly trying to scare you..
-when you call someone and they don't answer, then they send you a text asking whats up.... I called you for a reason..IF I WANTED TO CARRY A CONVO VIA TEXT I WOULD HAVE TEXTED YOU (Tony) lol
-when people call you and don't really have anything to say...let me be clear. I don't mind talking on the phone; in fact sometimes I enjoy it if I'm bored...but for goodness sake TALK...talk about sports, talk about the weather, make something up!! DON'T call me so I can listen to you breathe and PLEASE don't call me and carry on a convo with someone in the background! thanks....
-People that believe that THEIR opinion is the only one that counts. I wish everyone would just look up the dictionary definition of opinion, and then look up the definition of fact, because I think many people have the two confused.
-People that see you doing something (like reading a book or writing in a journal) and they KEEP talking to you....I'm sorry I left my stfu sign by my bed..
-People that can't enjoy a moment of silence....I mean....can you PLEASE let 2 seconds pass without exercising your vocal chords....please...
More to come!!
I want to start with a favorite of mine..
Ok, so I absolutely LOVE the lyrics to this song, so I had to start my blog off with it:
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view but it's not sane
It's not sane
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away but it's a great escape
Escape ...
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
You don't like my point of viewYou think that I'm insane
It's not sane ...
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view but it's not sane
It's not sane
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away but it's a great escape
Escape ...
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
You don't like my point of viewYou think that I'm insane
It's not sane ...
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
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