Sunday, August 16, 2009

is there a such thing as too nice??

ok, so I've had this convo with a few people before, but the question still remains to me: is there a such thing as being too nice. I guess the reason why it is such an issue for me is because I have always been a friendly person. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt until the point that the person is proven to not be a good individual. What have I found? People, for the most part, only act within their best interest. Some of the things that they do to be nice isn't as nice as it initally seems after you take a step back and look at it....their underlying motives actually benefit from the so-called nice deed: whether it be just the glory that they receive (which I find some people feed off of), a favor in the pocket from the person who they helped, or just plain trying to impress someone for one reason or another.

With all that being said, there are a few exceptions of people that I've met in life...People that are just nice for no reason....people that put themselves at a constant disadvantage in order to help others. Its beautiful in a way. They are the exception to my bad perception of the average person. With this being said, is it a good thing that they go far out of their way for an averagely selfish population? Are people like this prone to get walked all over? I will give you two examples of situations that made me question if there is a such thing as too nice or not:

The situation that immediately brought this to mind is with two of my close friends. Friend A is going through some tough times. She is moving down to NC and already had a roommate and apartment lined up...but for whatever reason they couldn't move in immediately as planned so she was out of a place to live for 3 weeks. Friend B was asked for advice, and told friend A that she shouldn't be bothered by having to ask someone if she could stay with them for 3 weeks. Friend A said she did have a problem asking for such a large favor. I am one of those people that tends to agree with friend A. I cannot see asking anyone outside of family if I could stay with them for over a week. I feel like I am imposing on your life after that point. Friend B got mad at both of us for thinking this way. She says regardless of the timeframe, you should be willing to help out a friend. I put out a hypothetical to her asking of it was a year, would that be too long to ask for to crash she said no....

Her argument may have had some validity before this. I'm sorry, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. But, I do NOT believe that after a year ANY healthy bodied adult should be living with a friend without some type of contribution. Also, I like living by with that in mind, should I give up my freedom for a whole YEAR just to be of help? There is a difference between getting on your feet and taking advantage of someone's niceness.

Situation #2: A friend of mine (male) had a female friend that was at her apartment drinking with some friends. She called my male friend and told him that she had been drinking and she wanted to go to the club, but didn't want to drive, so asked if he could come pick her, if it was me being asked for something like this I would have been like "clearly the alcohol has made you me when you can make sense" and she would have gotten hung up on. Why would *I* leave the comfort of my own home to drop you off at the club. His back story makes it even worse: he worked two jobs at the time. A regular 8-4 shift, and a night 12-7 shift! Meaning she was cutting into the little break time that he had to ask for a huge ridiculous favor. And whats even worse? He DID it....and she tracked muddy shoes all over the floor in the back of his brand new cadillac CTS....

and whats the moral of the stories?? When you are too nice, people take notice and start trying you just to see how much they could get from you. Some people don't mind b/c it makes them feel needed. Others, like myself, think its a shame. What do you think?

1 comment:

  1. I know about situation 2 so i'll comment on situation 1.

    whoever said they will let a friend live with them for a year, is a got damn liar.

    not without pay or compensation
    like my house better be spotless everyday.

    Now, I am nice enough to say maybe a month
    but after that you gotta pay
    and my crib still better be spotless everyday.