Friday, August 28, 2009

very superstitious

Webster's defintition of superstitious: "someone swayed by a belief or practice resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, trust in magic or chance, or false conception of causation".

Stevie Wonder says "when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer"

Thousands of people take off work should Friday fall on the 13th of the month, thousands of buildings do not have a 13th floor, fourtune cookies make people's life decisions....the list goes on and on.

The reason that I bring all this up, is because I find that I have some superstitious tendencies of my own. In my car, I think 13 is the perfect volume...just enough for my bass to boom correctly, but not too loud at the same time...and yet it will always rest on either 12 or 14.

I tried repeatedly to stop reading my horoscope....but everytime I get bored, its habitual. Funny enough, my boss gets the paper and types and sends me my horoscope, so I couldn't avoid it if I wanted to.

I know a lot of people believe its the 'law of the averages'...basically just stating things that people on average go through...but I'll be darned if it doesn't say something immediately a big topic of that very day. Like this one day, I was with a co-worker preparing to go to the mall. We had gathered our stuff and everything, and decided to stop and get something to eat at Panda Express. My fortune cookie "you will be tempted to spend money today. Don't."...I mean...could the timing for that have been ANY more perfect??

I mean...I TRY not to believe in these things but who knows. I still refuse to set the dial on 13.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Crossroads

Enough with the relationship talk; the more I think about it, the more I feel I will be old and gray with a whole bunch of puppies to keep me company.

On to more tangible my job. I can't help but think sometimes how easy life was before the 9 to 5 (8 to 4 in my case). No bills, no politicking, just homework and friends. Life was so much less stressfull then...but you never know what you got til' its gone....

Right now, I'm in somewhat of a tight spot. In my line of work, trust is a major factor. Everyone knows that I am cool with my boss, and my boss has held me down as far as getting some credentials under my name. The organization that I work for, however, is a burning building. I want to remain loyal to my boss, however, I'm not really up for slow dancing in a burning room.

I've made some valuable contacts in my year + here that used to work for the same organization, and two of them ALWAYS are calling me with job possibilities trying to look out for me to get me out of here before the smoke gets deadly (funny enough, they have my resume on file and submit my resume for stuff without even asking. I only know when I get the auto-response saying thank you for applying! lol). I haven't really been trying too hard before now to leave, because as with human nature, I have gotten comfortable. The office that I work in now, only 2 other people have 100% access to....which means no one holding me hostage with pictures of their dog, no uncalled for conversations about American Idol, no dumb questions. I love that, and know it won't be like that anywhere else.

The guys both know, and used to work for my boss as well, and are all still very cool with him...but they also know the dirt that goes on between these walls. They have told my boss they are trying to get me out of here and asked if it was cool...he hasn't responded, but you can tell he's not really trying to let me go. Its a tight call for him because he wants me to do well, but at the same time he knows I carry my weight and then some. Then, on top of that he believes that the current big wigs are on borrowed time and thinks the drama is coming to a close.

Recently, one of the guys has turned in my resume for a position with his company making about 40k more than what I'm making right now...doing the exact same thing. (did I just say 40k more??? why yes, I did. does this make it a moral obligation??? I'd say almost...) . And lets see, comfort vs 40k....I think if uncomfort had a cost, it would be around 40 k...SOLD.

I want to be loyal...but at the same time money talks. And, I'm not really trying to stick around till the fire department shows. What to do....

A shocking finding

Sadly enough, it seems like everyday that passes, I lose more and more faith in the male species. I will start by saying I've always had A LOT of male friends. I just find males easier to talk to, and much less drama comes with them so this is why it has always worked well for me.

Guys eventually see that I'm pretty drama free, and eventually end up considering me to be "one of the guys". Through high school, college, and even now at the job I've heard countless stories of the adventures that my male friends go through and how they view things. I think a little piece of my faith/hope in love dies with each story.

Don't get me wrong, I know about 1 or 2 exceptions. Guys that have found the right girl and are faithfull and happy with no intentions of cheating...but for the most part this is not the case. I've even had GROWN 40+ men tell me that the secret is to make a girl feel like the connection has relationship potential and he could get anything he wanted...this is not only disappointing, but a little disgusting. Dude, do you realize that you are 40+??? In a few years, you are going to wish you had someone taking care of you and it will be too late. Good luck.

The reason this post came about today was a guy that I thought was a good one had some very ignorant views. He and a good friend of mine had gotten into a conversation about one of his friends (I was not present for the convo, but as soon as she walked away from him she called me). He wanted my friend to hook up his friend with one of his boys...she states that all her home girls are good picks and good in relationships so this should not be a problem. His response: "He isn't looking for a relationship, he is just looking to knock it out the park really quick." She then procedes to tell him that none of her friends roll like that and his statement was "If an attraction is there, a guy can pull a girl EVERY time. All he has to do is make her feel comfortable...."

Wow...I'm still in disbelief, and I don't know which is more disappointing: the fact that I had initially pegged him for a good guy, or the fact that someone actually feels like this is a true statement. Are you really saying that EVERY girl that has an attraction for a guy will give it up to him and if he simply makes her feel comfortable?? This says a lot about how you view women in general... And what makes it so bad for me: I always put guys in categories: the good guy vs. the jerk. I'd say on the regular out of the guys I know its about an 80 to 20 jerk to good guy ratio respectively, which is pretty high for how many guys I view to be a jerk. Its completely devestating to have one of the guys in the good guy category prove me wrong.

Guys, your stock is DANGEROUSLY low right now...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The 90 day rule?

Ok, so I was talking to a friend of mine late last night, and we got on the subject of the 90 day rule. For all those of you who don't know what this is; the 90 day rule is a probationary period that a female is supposed to put males through when they first meet a guy before they give up the goods.

The theory of it is that if a girl gives it up too soon (before the 90 days are up), then a guy takes notice and is less likely to take her seriously.

It poses an interesting topic. I've talked to both males and females about this one, and I don't think any 2 friends had the exact same response to it:

Friend 1 (male): I think its ridiculous to put an exact time limit on sex. Just let the natural flow and progression of a relationship take its course.

Friend 2 (female): I completely agree with the the 90 day rule. Dudes won't respect you if you give up the goodies too early.

Friend 3 (male): I think you should definitely make a guy wait, but I don't know about 90 days.

Friend 4 (male): If she ain't giving it up in the two weeks, its a wrap (you know who you are) lol

**note, the only other non-virgin girl in the convo didn't chime in, but from history does not believe in the 90 day rule.

The rest of the girls in the convo were virgins so kinda couldn't give a good chime-in

I think its an interesting subject. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to make a guy wait. I think there's nothing worse than a girl looking for love that is defeated by her own indescretions. Rule #1 ladies: never mistake attention for affection. A guy can put on his "A" game for weeks, pretending to be everything that you've ever wanted in a man and more....but then once he reaches his goal, often times, his true colors start to show. Then on the flip side, a guy could really be serious about a girl and the time is not even a factor....then in the very next case a good would have been serious, but wrote the girl off because of questions of her probable past.

That's why I like to take my time feeling a guy out. I want to see if our personalities are condusive, or if its just a physical attraction. I look for the small things that he says and does to see where his head is. I want to know his reactions to certain things, and most importantly I want to see if I am growing on him (verses only a growing physical desire).

I don't know if I would put a 90 day stamp on it though....heck, it could be longer.

90 days though? I don't know.. What do you think?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

A culture that is anti love?

So while I was in school in Tallahassee, I made good friends with a girl who has similar views on guys/problems with love. Although she is working on her master's at Florida State, we still keep in touch, and still air out our problems with all the guys that we meet. (she meets much more as she is in a better forum: see post below).

For the most part our complaints are all the same. The guys we meet for the most part are just not that committed to trying to make anything work. Either they are in it for the shallow male-based reasons, or they just don't put enough effort in it. I'd say 9 times out of 10, the guys that I meet simply are not consistent which is a huge problem for me. If we speak once a day or once a week, when that deviates girls notice. Most guys see no problem with this, and try to call whenever it becomes conveinant for them again...which is a problem. We need some type of consistency..yes, even if we are just talking. I digress... This is even if you can get it this far with a guy...

For the most part though, I think guys just play their cards to see what they can get. Back in the day, males were taught how to treat people, how to respect people....they were taught that they should find a nice girl and settle down and make them their wife. These days, guys are only taught by television. They are raised watching videos and movies where they see a guy who appears to be cool, that has a whole bunch of girls around him. The only thing he has learned is that chasing skirts makes him more respected by his boys, and so this becomes his view of women and what she can mean to him. In this, they hold no value to love.

It creates (or has created rather) a society of many women willing to do anything to get a guys attention, and men who could care less about them. (don't get me wrong guys, the women aren't much better. The fact that they act so desperately is also not a good look....but they likewise were not raised to respect themselves and make a guy respect the chase). But, these men place more emphasis on their relationships with their boys, than a bond that they can form with a woman. So, in a society that is so progressive and forward thinking, do the parents leave to much of the life-teaching to outside factors? Have we become anti love?

Where to find prince charming??

Ok, so like I've stated before, my age is a disadvantage for meeting mister right (under the slim margin that there is a such thing).

The problem is not in the fact that there are no guys (well, the lack of good guys may be somewhat of an issue...) but in the fact that the forum to find a good guy is gone by this age. By now, most people have settled into nice comfy relationships and are happy with the current status or have gotten married.

These people have find their mate in a slim window of time that is the ideally perfect forum for such a thing to blossom. Either they have met the person in high school (where they see the person everyday and were able to be forced to be around the person in a sense which allowed them to get to know them) or they have met the person in college (same forum style). These places are ideal for finding relationships. After this time in your life has expired, its pretty much all luck based if you can meet someone after this and here's why (at least for me):

I DO NOT want to meet a guy at a club or a lounge. I compare this to a guy meeting a girl and falling in love knowing she is a stripper. She was doing it when she met you, so what makes you think she will stop (same rules apply for the guy). There's nothing wrong with the occasional going out with the boys to have a good time...but for the most part, the club rat is scavaging for more than just a good time....and you can't be mad if you already knew this beforehand.

Then, there's random various places that you may run into someone. The bowling alley, the mall, the bookstore...problem is that this is a one time encounter. For me, this is a problem for several reasons. 1: I like to get to know a dude and feel him out before I give him my number...otherwise you put yourself in a situation where the dude can be a lame and blow your phone up....and you are to blame for giving him your number. 2. This guy only has one shot to make a killer impression. Meaning you can miss out on something good easily or accept someone bad easily. I'd rather cut out all the guess work and have a few encounters to know someone before it gets to this.

Then there's work. Don't get me wrong, this is possible, but a lot of problems arise from this as well. If the two of you work immediately around eachother there's that too-much-of-a-good-thing issue. I love my space, and if you are constantly in my face this may be a problem (clause: for where I work now this is not so much of an issue as only 2 other people have 100% access to the office that I work in). Then there's the possibility that the two of you get in a which case its bad to have to work around this person and harbor ill feelings, bringing it into the place where you bake your bread....It could work...but its definitely dependant on the situation.

The only 2 places that could be ok to meet someone after school are still somewhat flawed...

1. church...but here's my problem with that: there's something that makes me uneasy by hooking up with someone in the Lord's me crazy....I'm just not comfortable with that one.

2. the gym...perhaps the best option....which possesses a lot of flaws as well. For the pros: if you go during the same time every week, you may start to see the same faces, and start meeting prospects. Its also a friendly forum...people are relieving stress so everyone's happy. Then, you know the guy cares about his well, win, win!...but on the flip side, you are all hot and sweaty and nasty...pretty much at your worst. On top of that, I can't find it in my heart to fully commit to the gym. Don't get me wrong, I respect the gym and what it means to a lot of just doesn't have the possibility to be that big for least right now. This is not only because I couldn't hold weight with two hands and a bar..but also because I don't have one of those addictive personalities. I easily lose interest in stuff... It appears its all lose, lose...especially when I'm paying by the month.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying finding a relationship after school is not possible... but, lets just say your chances are cut drastically. And this is where I am...

Here's hoping...

The trouble with relationships...

I had some extra time to think today, and I realized that I have a serious problem with relationships in general. Something that runs deep that I hope that will be able to be fixed one day. I don't know how or when though.

Lets back it up to my childhood. My parents never established a "friendship" type relationship with me. I look at my friends and their parents sometimes and I can't help but wish my interaction with my parents would have been the same. My dad has always lived in the same house growing up with me, and he is mybiological father; but I think I've avoided talking to him at all costs up until these past few years...and I still don't seek conversation. Growing up, the only time he spoke to me was when he was yelling at me. I honestly can't remember before my junior year in high school a regular conversation. And the only advice I've ever gotten from him was that if I start college, I had better see it through to the end. If not I will have wasted my money....

My mom on the other hand was the opposite. She was nice and sweet and probably the most thoughtful person I've ever met- but I honestly can't think of the first thing she has taught me. I've learned absoultely nothing from her...and some subjects she tried to completely avoid in hopes that they go away. Like sex and relationships...she never said anything to me about either subject..except that she hopes that I don't have sex until I'm married, and she hopes that I don't get until a relationship until I'm done with college and working; living on my own (yeah right). I guess my parents have shown me what not to do should I ever have kids. I'm going to talk to them and teach them all that I've learned and more....and I will NEVER avoid subjects that are going to pop up as a part of life anyway...

Then there are my sisters. My eldest sister, the one that I had the possibility to have a friendship with, was some what of a wild seed. She was about 7 years older than me for starters, so the age difference was vast enough to be an issue in itself. She was in high school; I was only in elementary. She was the poster child for the rebellious teen...did everything in the book including getting pregnant at the young age of 15 with my nephew David (who is like my little brother because he was raised by my parents). She also ran away frequently, and around 17 she joined job corp in West Virginia and then moved to Florida. No relationship there. Then, there's my middle sister. What can I say about her... As far back as I can remember, she has stopped speaking to me for months at a time. Like...I'm five, and she would stop talking to me for six months because I accidently ate her slice of pizza or something as small and stupid. Right now she's at about the 4 month mark of not speaking to me...who knows what I did this time- but I'm to the point now where that relationship means nothing to me anymore. Who has time to skate around someone so fickle and childish??

Then, there's my dating relationships. For some reason I find it hard to connect with people... be it that they are too goofy, too serious, too quiet, too loud, too annoying, too clingy, too detached or just too boring..I can never find someone that meets all the qualities that I want in a guy. Honestly, I only felt like I found this once...and it was a serious crash and burn. The only guy I've ever loved and I was dealing with for about 6 years off and on just so happened to be lying to me the entire time. So in retrospect, this is one of the people that I've felt closest to in my life...only to be betrayed in the worst way...and now I'm left with nothing.

Really, my friends are the only real relationships that I've ever had...and for one reason or another at times I even question majority of those. I guess everyone isn't meant to live the life of companionship and close bonds..

Sometimes I hope for different, but lonliness is a slippery slope. Sometimes you just get used to it and start pushing people away. Here's hoping for the future...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

is there a such thing as too nice??

ok, so I've had this convo with a few people before, but the question still remains to me: is there a such thing as being too nice. I guess the reason why it is such an issue for me is because I have always been a friendly person. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt until the point that the person is proven to not be a good individual. What have I found? People, for the most part, only act within their best interest. Some of the things that they do to be nice isn't as nice as it initally seems after you take a step back and look at it....their underlying motives actually benefit from the so-called nice deed: whether it be just the glory that they receive (which I find some people feed off of), a favor in the pocket from the person who they helped, or just plain trying to impress someone for one reason or another.

With all that being said, there are a few exceptions of people that I've met in life...People that are just nice for no reason....people that put themselves at a constant disadvantage in order to help others. Its beautiful in a way. They are the exception to my bad perception of the average person. With this being said, is it a good thing that they go far out of their way for an averagely selfish population? Are people like this prone to get walked all over? I will give you two examples of situations that made me question if there is a such thing as too nice or not:

The situation that immediately brought this to mind is with two of my close friends. Friend A is going through some tough times. She is moving down to NC and already had a roommate and apartment lined up...but for whatever reason they couldn't move in immediately as planned so she was out of a place to live for 3 weeks. Friend B was asked for advice, and told friend A that she shouldn't be bothered by having to ask someone if she could stay with them for 3 weeks. Friend A said she did have a problem asking for such a large favor. I am one of those people that tends to agree with friend A. I cannot see asking anyone outside of family if I could stay with them for over a week. I feel like I am imposing on your life after that point. Friend B got mad at both of us for thinking this way. She says regardless of the timeframe, you should be willing to help out a friend. I put out a hypothetical to her asking of it was a year, would that be too long to ask for to crash she said no....

Her argument may have had some validity before this. I'm sorry, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. But, I do NOT believe that after a year ANY healthy bodied adult should be living with a friend without some type of contribution. Also, I like living by with that in mind, should I give up my freedom for a whole YEAR just to be of help? There is a difference between getting on your feet and taking advantage of someone's niceness.

Situation #2: A friend of mine (male) had a female friend that was at her apartment drinking with some friends. She called my male friend and told him that she had been drinking and she wanted to go to the club, but didn't want to drive, so asked if he could come pick her, if it was me being asked for something like this I would have been like "clearly the alcohol has made you me when you can make sense" and she would have gotten hung up on. Why would *I* leave the comfort of my own home to drop you off at the club. His back story makes it even worse: he worked two jobs at the time. A regular 8-4 shift, and a night 12-7 shift! Meaning she was cutting into the little break time that he had to ask for a huge ridiculous favor. And whats even worse? He DID it....and she tracked muddy shoes all over the floor in the back of his brand new cadillac CTS....

and whats the moral of the stories?? When you are too nice, people take notice and start trying you just to see how much they could get from you. Some people don't mind b/c it makes them feel needed. Others, like myself, think its a shame. What do you think?

fear of the "in between"

I was talking to one of my friends, and came to the realization that being "in between" anything sucks (jobs, relationships, meals...ok, maybe thats taking it far) lol.

I feel like right now, as a 24 year old female, I am deeply at the in between portion of my life. Everything is stuck at the in between, and I am itching to switch gears.

I am currently working to be at the optimal living situation. I just moved out from having a roommate...which for the record definitely is NOT the optimal living situation; especially as I get older. I want to be able to come home and just chill from time to time without having to think about "ok, is my roommate having company (which the answer was always yes to)....can I walk around in this beater or not...why the heck does their company have company?!"... I'm at a time in my life where I just want to be able to not worry about such things. Can't wait till I'm completely moved into my own spot..but for right now I have to endure the in between.

In additon to that my job is in the "in between". Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job. I look around my office everyday and think how and the world did I get so lucky to land a gig like this.. I have the coolest, most laid back boss ever, I have a 40" flat screen facing my desk, and best of all I work in an area where only 2 other people have access to so nobody can pop up and talk my head off...but this job is just that: a foundation. Yes, I'm getting crazy experience. Yes, I have things in the pocket that I can leave this job and make crazy money easily....but it doesn't have the potential to be my final stop. So, for now, I am unsettled in the fact that I can't get too comfortable. I'm not the college girl anymore, but I'm also not at the place that I will retire at... somewhere in between.

And last, but certainly not least, relationships. This may sound bad due to the fact that a lot of people love getting to know someone new....I hate it. I hate the fact that I don't know enough about you yet to know whether you are wasting my time or not yet. Getting to know someone is like going to a new resturant and trying a new dish. Its got an exciting factor because its new... uncharted territory- could be great. However, if you don't like the resturant and hate the dish you order how can you not feel disappointed. How do you not feel like you just wasted your time and money. You could have been at a resturant you know, enjoying something you know you like instead (being by yourself in this example). As a female, I have to first get a feel for what you are in it for, check to see if you at least meet my core requirements (job (you can be manager at McDonalds long as you are bringing in some income), car (I refuse to pick up and drop off a dude- especially one I am just getting to know), then I have to feel out your sense of humor, then I have to get a grasp on your personality; I have to get used to the unique way you do things...all the while trying to look at the whole package deal. Its exhuasting! And this is where I am now....the in between.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

9 simple things..

so I was reading this article on Yahoo this morning that couldn't be more true...

It states that women only want 9 simple things. The order may not be correct, but the 9 are perfect! Heres a look:

-consistency!!! (perhaps #1 on my list)
-humor and humility
-mental engagement

great list!

Better Prepared..

Ok, so this is a convo that I've already had with several people, but I really think the country and economy would do SO much better if this were into play.

I think in either 11th or 12th grade in high school, there should be a mandatory Life Prep class to prepare teenagers for the responsibilities of adulthood that they are about to face. This course should be split into two semesters.

In the first semester, it should be something like shop class but instead of having different stations of things you can build, there should be different stations with a taste of different professions. This will give the students a better chance to prepare because lets face it.... Unless you are extremely talented in the arts or sports or have a family history in one profession, chances are most kids have no idea what they want to do to put bread on the table. This will give them at least an idea and a variety of things to chose from.

The second semester should be just basic knowledge that the young adult may need. How to balance a checkbook, different savings plans, preperation for retirement, the dangers of credit cards, how to keep track of their credit, and other very important things they may need to know would be the foundation of this part.

And if this were the case, I'm almost certain that the overall economy would be much better.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Pet Peeves list (inspired by Tony)

Ok, so my good friend Tony gave me the inspiration in his blog to say the things that get under his skin, so I decided to make a list of my own....I'm sure I will constantly be updating this list as folks have a tendency to get on my nerves.... So heres the list in no order:

-when your in the right hand lane pulling up to a red light, and a huge truck or van pulls up on your left far beyond the line so you can't see around them to know if you can pull off

-people that INSIST on telling you the same story over and over again, even after you remind them that they've already told you

-the question "what are you thinking"....well, now I'm thinking 'I wish you would stop asking dumb questions' (ok, maybe thats mean...)

-when someone introduces you to something and expects you to be an here is an engine...this is how it works...NOW BUILD ONE ON YOUR OWN AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS!!! lol

-the news...ok, let me explain this one. I sit in front of a tv that plays news all day at work, and it gets under my skin how they try to brainwash you into feeling something is good or bad or they are constantly trying to scare you..

-when you call someone and they don't answer, then they send you a text asking whats up.... I called you for a reason..IF I WANTED TO CARRY A CONVO VIA TEXT I WOULD HAVE TEXTED YOU (Tony) lol

-when people call you and don't really have anything to say...let me be clear. I don't mind talking on the phone; in fact sometimes I enjoy it if I'm bored...but for goodness sake about sports, talk about the weather, make something up!! DON'T call me so I can listen to you breathe and PLEASE don't call me and carry on a convo with someone in the background! thanks....

-People that believe that THEIR opinion is the only one that counts. I wish everyone would just look up the dictionary definition of opinion, and then look up the definition of fact, because I think many people have the two confused.

-People that see you doing something (like reading a book or writing in a journal) and they KEEP talking to you....I'm sorry I left my stfu sign by my bed..

-People that can't enjoy a moment of silence....I mean....can you PLEASE let 2 seconds pass without exercising your vocal chords....please...

More to come!!

I want to start with a favorite of mine..

Ok, so I absolutely LOVE the lyrics to this song, so I had to start my blog off with it:

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view but it's not sane
It's not sane
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away but it's a great escape
Escape ...
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
You don't like my point of viewYou think that I'm insane
It's not sane ...
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made