Sunday, August 16, 2009

fear of the "in between"

I was talking to one of my friends, and came to the realization that being "in between" anything sucks (jobs, relationships, meals...ok, maybe thats taking it far) lol.

I feel like right now, as a 24 year old female, I am deeply at the in between portion of my life. Everything is stuck at the in between, and I am itching to switch gears.

I am currently working to be at the optimal living situation. I just moved out from having a roommate...which for the record definitely is NOT the optimal living situation; especially as I get older. I want to be able to come home and just chill from time to time without having to think about "ok, is my roommate having company (which the answer was always yes to)....can I walk around in this beater or not...why the heck does their company have company?!"... I'm at a time in my life where I just want to be able to not worry about such things. Can't wait till I'm completely moved into my own spot..but for right now I have to endure the in between.

In additon to that my job is in the "in between". Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job. I look around my office everyday and think how and the world did I get so lucky to land a gig like this.. I have the coolest, most laid back boss ever, I have a 40" flat screen facing my desk, and best of all I work in an area where only 2 other people have access to so nobody can pop up and talk my head off...but this job is just that: a foundation. Yes, I'm getting crazy experience. Yes, I have things in the pocket that I can leave this job and make crazy money easily....but it doesn't have the potential to be my final stop. So, for now, I am unsettled in the fact that I can't get too comfortable. I'm not the college girl anymore, but I'm also not at the place that I will retire at... somewhere in between.

And last, but certainly not least, relationships. This may sound bad due to the fact that a lot of people love getting to know someone new....I hate it. I hate the fact that I don't know enough about you yet to know whether you are wasting my time or not yet. Getting to know someone is like going to a new resturant and trying a new dish. Its got an exciting factor because its new... uncharted territory- could be great. However, if you don't like the resturant and hate the dish you order how can you not feel disappointed. How do you not feel like you just wasted your time and money. You could have been at a resturant you know, enjoying something you know you like instead (being by yourself in this example). As a female, I have to first get a feel for what you are in it for, check to see if you at least meet my core requirements (job (you can be manager at McDonalds long as you are bringing in some income), car (I refuse to pick up and drop off a dude- especially one I am just getting to know), then I have to feel out your sense of humor, then I have to get a grasp on your personality; I have to get used to the unique way you do things...all the while trying to look at the whole package deal. Its exhuasting! And this is where I am now....the in between.

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